I know the cost I paid to heal, but what did it cost others? I had a discussion recently on what it really took for me to heal from Dissociative Identity Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, and Complex PTSD. Let’s just say I was in serious need of a healing. I walked through a lot of miracles in that time and that is what I focus on most of the time. I know the cost I paid to heal, but when I think of the price others paid I am overwhelmed. I’m not sure I even have a name for all that I feel, gratitude for sure, but it is more than just gratitude that causes my emotions to flood my body with butterflies and waves of heat. My heart beats a little faster, it wants to cry but can’t help but smile. It’s a very strange feeling indeed.
The biggest thing it cost them was time. The Lord surrounded me with a group of people that played a big role in my healing…and my safety. A few of those became my inner circle and after reading back over my journals recently, I can’t imagine what they must have been dealing with. Their Heavenly reward will be great.
I did not realize until after we talked that my therapist easily spent 250-300 hours with me. I also did not realize how uncommon that tends to be. On top of that, I know she prayed for me on a regular basis, some days more than others. It was probably on an as-needed basis but I was almost always in need and I’m sure the Lord prompted her often. Her discipleship and godly example changed my life. Her love opened the door for all of my healing to occur. I could never thank the Lord enough for sending me to her.
My pastor and his wife poured an extensive amount of time, energy, and prayer into my life. They helped me move from having panic attacks just walking into the building to folding bulletins, to signing songs during praise and worship, to working in the booth and helping in the office. They created a safe environment for me to grow and explore the depths of how much I could trust the Lord. In a sense, they walked me out onto the water and provided a life raft when I needed it until I could boldly walk on the water alone with my eyes on Christ and know that He would never fail me. God was able to move me from glory to glory quickly because of their faithfulness.
God put several friends in my path to walk this healing journey with me. People that spoke life over me and believed in me long before I believed in myself. They walked me through a lot of first experiences and helped rewrite my story. We replaced a lot of bad memories with new birthday parties, trips to the beach, movies, lakes, and playgrounds. They made sure I had everything I needed and an 8-year-old sometimes needed to swing, or wade in the river. I’d like to say that it was a 50/50 effort and we were great friends but it wasn’t. It was often a 90/10 effort as they allowed the parts to be out and feel safe around them. (I get 10% for showing up, right?)
God is faithful and He brought exactly who I needed into my life at the perfect time and He enabled them to carry out His plan. I am so thankful that they were willing to pay the price to be His hands and feet so that I could experience the deep depths of the Love of Christ. It was an incredible season of my life and I give God all the glory for everything He accomplished through them. I love Him so much!!