I got to go hiking with my daughter yesterday for a school field trip. They have several trails at different levels of difficulty. We chose a moderate 2.2-mile trail and part of another trail, we had lunch and watched some of the group try rock climbing for the first time. Five hours at the park, then I drove two more hours, dropped my daughter off with her dad, stopped by the store, then finally made it home about 5:30 pm. At 5:45 pm a friend came over for a few hours, then at 9:30 pm I took an hour to work on my public speaking skills. Whew! Long day. Knackered seemed a very appropriate daily word for me. I blogged about 3 sentences and had to come back today to finish because I was just too tired!
Some days, I think I experience a different kind of tired. Most of what I did yesterday was very new to me and that causes me to be emotionally and mentally tired. Learning how to function without dissociation is an ongoing process that requires me to stay in very close fellowship with the Holy Spirit. I can’t tell you how many times I asked for His help yesterday. It was a LOT! He is so faithful to help me do new things. He puts the right people in my path to teach me how to do them and they do it in love, I never feel judged for asking the simplest questions.
Going on field trips with my daughter is something I missed out on before God healed me so this is the first year I have been able to go with her. My PTSD and the fear that the anxiety would cause me to dissociate was not a risk I could bring myself to take. I am learning how to walk out this role of who God created me to be and sometimes I have to take cues from other people to know what to do, but Holy Spirit helps me and He makes it fun. I truly enjoy spending time with my child on these trips and I’m so thankful that God is restoring to me all the things that the enemy stole.
The Bible says that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. Taking small breaks throughout the day to just stop and breathe and remind myself that God’s got me and all is well allows Him to refresh me and I’m off again exploring all He has planned for me.