via Daily Prompt: Volume

When I read this word prompt, I immediately remembered how loud my head used to be all the time with the background noise of the parts having conversations and the baby that was always crying.  Geez, I’m so happy to be healed of that!!  I suppose it was just noise, the volume was never loud enough to understand what they were saying, but I could hear conversations.  I would compare it to sitting in a restaurant and hearing other conversations but not truly hearing enough to understand what is being said.  You just know they are there, and you ignore it because it has become a common background noise.  You think it’s normal, and though you crave silence, sometimes, the silence can feel eerie or awkward if it actually occurs.  It was the same with having parts.  I could hear them but it didn’t involve me, they never talked to me, and I never knew what they were up to but I could hear the background noise.  It was always a very low volume, and every other noise to the best of my understanding was heard over them.  They seemed to be on a different frequency and it didn’t interfere with normal noise.

Learning to hear them and eventually communicate with them was a long process.  It took me about a year and I was not very interested in getting to know them.  Trying to sort through the chaos of the internal system with all the different suppressed emotions trying to emerge always gave me a terrible headache.  Then there was the learned communication and the embarrassing moments when I would forget that we were not alone and answer one of the parts out loud…which was brought to my attention by the strange looks that followed.  I am SO thankful to be healed of THAT!

It is much easier to hear the Lord now that my head is quiet!  It’s also nice to be able to hear my own thoughts and think something through without losing my train of thought to some random background noise.  But my favorite part is that I can have much better conversations with the Holy Spirit and there is no interrupting from the parts!  I can ramble on about everything happening in my life, and I can stop to listen for Him to talk to me and it’s just a quiet, peaceful resting in Him.  Cassie used to get SO VERY EXCITED when she would hear his voice.  That still happens today, only its fully me as a whole integrated person getting SO VERY EXCITED to hear His voice.  It never gets old and when I am 100, I will still get SO VERY EXCITED to hear His voice!  He’s amazing like that!!

Totally off topic but I must share this news!  I went to my life group tonight and I wasn’t feeling very well.  My shoulder was throbbing and every time I would move it a tiny bit a pain would shoot through it.  It had been popping all day so it was very sore.  At the end of our meeting, the ladies prayed for me and it is feeling much better now!  PRAISE THE LORD!  I LOVE HEALINGS!!  God is so faithful!