When I’m struggling to accomplish something I will often ask God to help me.  Sometimes when I tell Him to do whatever it takes I feel the sting of discipline and I am reminded of Hebrews 12:11 

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

I have recently been saying to the Lord, whatever it takes, I need Your help cause this is not getting better.  I can’t get myself into the routine I need to have to be the best me I can be for the Lord and for Kaleigh without His help.  So, I find myself in a strange place.  My life just got harder because I feel led to keep my internet turned off for 6 weeks and I go to school online so this is more than just not scrolling Facebook.  I will have to drive to the Library everyday to work.  I choose not to have television so no internet really limits the technology in our home.  I was so temped today to call and have it turned back on (after only a few days) but I felt strongly that it would have been disobedience.  But, at the same time I have this supernatural peace, lightheartedness, and excitement about it.  God disciplines His children (me) because He loves them (me).  There is something comforting in knowing that I asked for His divine help and He chose the perfect plan to get me to where I need to be.  I’m getting a fresh perspective and a renewed mind in ways that I never had with the distraction of the internet.  I’m filling my house with praise and worship music 24/7 now.  I didn’t have a radio or CD player and I used the internet to listen to YouTube videos. But God is faithful to give us what we need!!  He sent me a tv/stereo combo when He gave me my furniture.  I didn’t have cable so I wasn’t sure why He sent it but something would not let me get rid of it!  Now, a few months later, I’m using it to fill my house with Christian music.  I ❤️ how He takes care of every detail for me!!  I thought my child would really struggle but it has strengthened our relationship and she has been so creative in keeping herself busy and keeping a positive attitude.  It’s been a real joy to watch her discover this freedom from technology.  It might be just as bittersweet to give up this gift of no technology when the six weeks is up as it was the day it was turned off.  I am so thankful for discernment because I can feel the loss and the gain at the same time.  It’s not a bad thing that this is happening and I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong to “deserve it”.  I just invited the Lord to help me grow and become a better person.  He is so faithful!! It’s such a strange, excellent, curious feeling to know that surrendering my will to do what He is asking when my flesh is screaming “No!” is actually what my heart longs to do.  I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s hard and I’ve had to create some accountability with my mentor cause my flesh is so weak.  But it’s worth it.  He is ALWAYS worth it!  In six weeks my life is going to produce a harvest of righteousness and peace deeper than I have currently.  That’s so exciting!!  I love Him so much!!